Man Bravely Saves His Xbox From Burning House

from the hot-hot-hot dept

Look, for all you critics out there, I admit it: I love video games. They’re my primary source of entertainment, since I long ago discarded regular television viewing, most music, and most movies. My entertainment quota is filled by literature and video games. But even my love for video games pales in comparison to this smitten hero from Kansas, who bravely walked out of his burning home with his most prized possession in tow: his Xbox.

“Hold onto what matters most” are words of wisdom that most people strive to live by, perhaps none more so than an Olathe, Kansas man who on Friday morning risked a fiery death by charging into his burning house to save a beloved Xbox. (The exact model is unknown.) Thankfully, both console and human survived, the latter suffering from smoke inhalation.

I carry your controller with me, I carry it in my heart. I am never without it, anywhere I go you go, my dear console, and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my console. I fear no fate, for your games are my fate, and I want no world, for my Xbox is my true world, and it’s you, whatever Grand Theft Auto has always meant, and whatever a Mortal Kombat will always sing is you.

Or, you know, something like that…is what I imagine this guy wrote to his inanimate gaming console. Whatever, my point is this: you can love your console, love your games, and love the experience of playing them. But there must be something else in the place you call home that you’d rather save than the saves on your Xbox. Especially if there’s even the slightest chance that same Xbox is the one trying to kill you with the fire of Doom-driven hell-demons.

In a strange twist, the disaster was blamed on an electrical junction box, which makes us wonder if the Xbox wasn’t partly to blame. Was it a suicidal act, or simple betrayal? Difficult to say, as is the matter of where exactly he plans to plug the device in now.

In the afterlife, dear reader, if fate has bothered to read its Shakespeare, I fear this gentleman will meet no Juliet more fair then the electronic daughter of Bill Gates.

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Comments on “Man Bravely Saves His Xbox From Burning House”

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Re: Re: WHAT?

I’m also from Olathe, and I’m torn between laughing and crying. It’s funny in the sense that I would not be surprised that one of my neighbors would do this; and yet I’m made sad when I think that one of my own sons might do it. Thankfully, in this case it was neither a nearby neighbor, nor one of my sons.


You know, even if you say there are other things you may want to save from a fire I would promptly try to save, you know, my goddamn life.

A quick question: do your saves get a cloud backup if you pay for Live? If yes then he’s even dumber. You can shell another $500 for a new one. We still can’t resurrect the dead yet no matter how good your health insurance is as far as I know (excluding necromancy since skeletons and zombies do not have a will of their own to play games or something).

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